Every couple fights sometimes-but how you fight (or avoid fighting) reveals a lot about your
relationship dynamics. Understanding your fight style is the first step toward change.
Here are four common couple patterns I commonly see in therapy:
Adversarial Couples
– Arguments feel like battles. Both partners fight to win, often using blame or criticism. The bond becomes a tug-of-war instead of a team effort.
Pursuer-Distancer Couples
– One partner pushes for closeness, conversations, and connection. The other pulls away, or criticised. The more one pursues, the more the other retreats.
Dominant-Submissive Couples
– One partner calls the shots, consciously or not. The other goes along to avoid conflict but may build hidden resentment. Over time, equality and true intimacy suffer.
Conflict-Avoiding/Triangulating Couples
– Both partners avoid direct conflict, keeping the peace at all costs. Emotions stay buried until they leak out sideways-often through venting to friends or involving third parties (like family members) instead of talking to each other.
Any sound familiar to you?
These patterns don’t mean your relationship is doomed-they’re simply habits you’ve fallen into. The good news? Patterns can change. With awareness, practice, and sometimes professional support, couples can learn new ways of relating that foster respect, connection, and understanding.
If you’re curious about your dynamic-or ready to transform it-get in touch. I’d love to help you and your partner create a healthier way forward.
